OUCC Proceedings 11 (1983)

Biospelaeology: A Spelaeopsychogenetic Hierarchy

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  1. Dave Rose. Leaps up and down 80 m pitches in one bound. Needs no caving light due to presence of sun in anal regions. Talks to God regularly.
  2. George Hostford. Climbs 80 m pitches hand over hand. Has flashgun only slightly less powerful than sun. Talks to God from public call boxes.
  3. Richard Gregson. Gets other people to descend 80 m pitches for him by throwing his prusik bag down them. His light works. Talks to Clive Westlake.
  4. John Singleton. Ignores 80 m pitches and spends hours hammering down scrofulous tight rifts. Breaks other people's lights. Talks to Clive Westlake but is not understood due to Lancashire dialect.
  5. Bill Stead. Light doesn't work so abseils down 80 m pitches over 'tectors, bolts and anything else that happens to be there. Talks to himself.
  6. Graham Naylor. Instructs other people to go down 80 m pitches as he is God. Cannot talk.